Saturday, June 10, 2006

Mega Church Networked Special Edition

For those who would rather play Church than do Church. This appears to be a spoof, but what does it say about Church perceptions?


Imagine if you could create the church you wanted, any way you wanted.

Put together a worship service exactly the way YOU want: hymns, no hymns, drums, no drums. Are you from Wisconsin, start Polka Mass! Start a building campaign, ask for donations.

Be the next Joel Osteen as you play Mega Church.

Product Description

  • Pastor a simulated church and create your own Christian empire
  • Build a church from the ground up
  • Hire and fire staff
  • Deal with idiots, naive volunteers, and denominational egos
  • Attract fickle unchurched people with Bingo, revival meetings or fasting--it is all up to you!
  • Select a pre-loaded community
    • Xurban or suburban church plant (for those who want it easy or just starting out)
    • Or pastor an inner-city, multi-ethnic 80 year old church with 50 members and $1 million mortgage debt (for those who really want a challenge)
  • Choose a denomination (Lutheran, Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal plus many more obscure factions)
  • Or load a brand new emergent plug-in
  • Take weekly offerings and go over budget
  • Start your own radio or cable-access show
  • Attend the latest conference to hone your skills
  • Implement the latest ministry fad
  • Review weekly attendance and giving records
  • Earn points with God by winning souls for Christ
  • With network play enabled, you can steal members from other churches and earn points just like you saved them yourself.

The possibilities are endless! To grow your church, work on all the strategic variables,

  • Write a mission statement
  • Choose a logo
  • Get a billboard
  • Hire a professional musician
  • Buy plasma television for your PowerPoint presentations

Prayer, study and preparation get thrown in there too--and the mysterious (or fickle) will of God! Deal with real-life scenarios including,

  • Troublesome board members
  • Elderly donor who wants to buy a new organ
  • A son starts using drugs
  • Your trusted deacon sleeps with your secretary
  • The city starts a construction in front of your building
  • Offering stolen

Denominations and Bible colleges use it to prepare potential church planters or associate pastors. It is better than an internship!

Do it all without a degree, license or even the Bible! Just like Joel Osteen

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